The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

yes, this place is good for distractions from

all the worrying...it feels fully fall outside...

what does it mean when you're distracted

from the distraction...

where am i?

so this is how it goes...gain a friend, lose a

friend...i guess if i was paying attention i'd know

who was coming and going, eh?

^.^

i care but, those i really want to stay in

touch with, i do...you know what i mean,

jelly bean?

the whole point/bonus thing screws the

pooch though...

...my goal today is to not

be such a shit...it's a birthday

NOT a death knell...it is an

opportunity for me to reflect on

all the good that has happened

NOT a chance to itemize every

fuck up i've ever made...a chance

to say hi to people and give a

giggle, NOT a time for me to

hide in self-imposed and self-

invited shame...

how did i turn out to be such

a pill?

:S

from this side of 37, the long and

winding road is A LOT shorter and

waaaaayyyy more of a straight-shot

than mr. happy-go-lucky EVER

let on...he's such a twit anyway...

ENOUGH!!!!!

i have got to let it go...jesus, i have

a great life, great husband, great

doggies (even the big, dumb one,

sorry betty)...i have food, love and

shelter...i just need to get over it...

i will put on snappy music, make a pot

of earl grey, smoke a lot of everything

in the house, channel my inner tommy

chong, and make lists of things i can

be happy about...first, i may be old,

but i still have all of my hair...

:)

of course, some of it is now trying to

grow on my chin...

^.^

the self-depreciating sense of humor

is just my thing...37 years is a long time

to just let that go...

tomorrow i will sched an interview...

interview #3...the other two were

no's...got both no's on the same day,

friday last...i am really trying to be

positive because they can smell

desperation on you in the interview

and that is a big turnoff...

and a big no-no...

oh man, i have GOT to stop

taking myself so seriously...

^.^

this place makes me happy and

i don't want to bring it down by

bringing in all of this crap...

this is where i go to get away

from that sad shit...this is where

i go for sanctuary...

:)

maybe i should just have a

smoke and put this day to

bed...

COMMENTS

-

---

CryingMist
03:12 Oct 12 2009

-puts on cheerleader outfit Chibiusa style and start to cheer up Paxnor- Go! Go ! Go! Go Go Go! Paxnor! Pax Pax PAx PAx Go! Go! Go! Go!

---

Bijou
04:38 Oct 12 2009

wishing you lots of luck hun

---

paxnor
00:07 Oct 13 2009

…i get embarrassed because i let it

get me down…i let it get me down

too much, evil requires the sanction

of the victim, nobody can “make” you

feel anything, etc…and there are

millions and millions of people who

have it soooooo much worse than me…

you guys cheer me up here…thank you!

i really needed that…

it’s going to get better, i mean, it

can’t rain every day, right?

---

POST COMMENT

i'm about to finish my third week without

a job and i cannot believe how much it

sucks...sucks the life right out of me, and

then i think, well it could be worse...

and then i just downward spiral into

a panic attack, where i don't get a job,

my husband leaves me and i move in

with my mother...

i feel like a whiner...i know i'm a whiner,

i mean three weeks out of work is not

bad, but i feel like a slack-ass loser,

like i HAVE to be working...my little old

man gets annoyed that i associated my

sense of self-worth with my job...it's how

i value my contribution, am i doing

something productive? something that

adds or has value? then it's all good...

if i'm not, then i am just wasting the

space and breath i was given...and

in my life, it's always black and white...

screw the gray...

i need some lunch...